Just Words

Just Words

By A’Daja Harris

THE CHARACTERS (in order of appearance):
*Real names in this piece have been omitted out of respect and replaced out of necessity.

Narrator—informational voice
Zahra—beautiful flower
Ji-Hye—wise and intelligent
Khalon—strong warrior
Students—just a soft reminder that this term presents itself in different ways for different people
Security—law enforcement as well as other figures meant to protect
Administrators—or at least pieces of the formulated letters they’ve sent out to the student body in hopes to provide damage control

“You may not be from here, but you’re here now and you are now a part of this community whether you like it or not. That ultimately means you should be aware of the incidents happening around you and in your community. I believe that the incidents that happen in this city, as well as any that present themselves on campus, affect all of you.”

—black, female professor to a group of freshmen, 2018

Act I: What does it mean to live as a college student?

Scene I

One question has plagued the mind of many. The thought of only being able to answer it with just a few words brings forth withheld words and phrases usually kept far away from parted lips. Conflicting opinions. Disagreeing emotions. Different interpretations.

NARRATOR

Zahra is a black woman who was adopted by a white man and a racially ambiguous mother. She grew up in a predominantly white, suburban area of northern Illinois. She spent most of her childhood sheltered from the cruel reality that plagues other black people like her. While her peers lived in fear, she felt the comfort of hiding behind a white shield disguised as progression and acceptance. Before college she had never been forced to confront her identity.

ZAHRA

as her skin hardens and sharpens with each new experience

I’ve never felt completely comfortable just being myself. And as a black woman in a new environment built upon ignorance, I find myself seeking out different affinity spaces in order to find a supportive community in which to reside.

Scene II

In just the span of six months, discrimination on and around college campuses across the country has reared its ugly, pulpous head. It has shown it is restricted by no bounds and plays by no rules other than its own. Too many people are shoved underneath the same umbrella and forced to seek protection and privilege from a deceptive title: Student

NARRATOR

This is Ji-Hye, an Asian-American, female student who was born in Korea and moved around a lot as a kid. Most of her formative years took place in the suburban area of Chicago. Her high school was split between the rich, white Jewish kids and the minority groups which consisted of few East Asian students. Transitioning to college proved to be a drastic change for her and being a part of the majority made her feel safe and protected from racial tension that affects other minority groups on campus.

JI-HYE

softening in the confines of a protective community

My campus is laced with underlying racial tension that no one attempts to remedy. And although I don’t feel as if I fully belong, I have found a sense of pride in the large Asian community gathered here.

Scene III

For any average college student, stepping foot on campus is like stepping foot into a new world. One enclosed inside of a bubble, so clear and delicate that if you don’t take the time to look you almost miss it. The thing with bubbles though is that they always appear beautiful from the outside, but who can truly attest to having lived in one?

NARRATOR

Khalon, a black male from a small town, has learned the importance of creating bonds with people by just making the most of the little things in life. Making connections is really important to him and doing so in such a hyper and fast-paced social setting takes a bit of adjusting. He must come to accept that some bonds don’t develop easily.

KHALON

floating just about the edges of the small spherical structure

Since this is my first year, I’m still getting used to the feel of being in college.

ACT II: What is it like to live within a bubble?

Scene I

The year is 2016, it is ZAHRA’S freshmen year and the presidential election looms frighteningly overhead. She stands among a crowd of students. All of whom are black, dressed in all black. They are gathered in a unified front walking from one side of campus to the next. Some are holding posters and boards, all are chanting and shouting—desperately crying out for their voices to be heard. Poems are recited, and experiences are collectively shared. Zahra feels overwhelmed and terrified, not knowing what reactions to expect from her non-black peers. Some continue to walk past.

NARRATOR

Betrayal

ZAHRA

A guy I recognize from my dorm starts yelling obscenities at us. I catch a quick glimpse of anger and disgust painted on his features before he disappears.

NARRATOR

Terror

ZAHRA

arms linked with other protesters, hands bound together, feet firm, heads lifted high

I’m afraid. I’ve never been in a situation like this before or had to fight for the right to be seen. Entering the dining hall, we start to close off different food stations.

NARRATOR

Empowerment

ZAHRA

the hunger of her people written on her face 

The guy is back wearing a red “Make America Great Again” hat.

NARRATOR

Rage

ZAHRA

He keeps yelling, but amidst the fear, I feel content. He tries to shake us down, but we don’t even budge.

Scene II

with so many emotions bursting and pouring out of her chest, ZAHRA treks back to her dorm. With each step she grows closer to embracing the fear that rumbles deep within her. She knows that people see her as a threat, but this protest was only one of many that solidified how important it is for her and others to be able to feel safe in their own skin. She walks into her dorm and arguments ensue.

STUDENTS

with heavy hearts a tense divide creates a shift throughout the “happy home”
as student turns against student. Friend turns against friend.

I just want my stir fry…

My life matters.

Why are you blocking me from my chicken tenders?

Why can’t I get you to care about me?

Scene III

Campus is teeming with life. Masses of people ranging from curious bystanders, camera crew, and avid Trump supporters loiter about. ZAHRA watches in horror as her campus becomes home for a presidential debate. After the initial shock subsides, the bubble starts to close in on her, suffocating her. Her jagged edges grow in size, changing uncontrollably.

NARRATOR

Zahra begins to wonder how some students can be so quick to dismiss the issues around them with a shrug of their shoulders. How they can sit still while surrounded by reoccurring nightmares. She turns to spoken poetry and lets her emotions cover the stage.

ZAHRA

throat scratchy from crying and screaming, but pain continues to erupt from her in a string of words that she pieced together in the darkness. The stage lights shine down on her, and it feels as if the crowd is no longer there. It is just her and her words. Words she scribbles down onto a blank canvas mocking her with its white glare and clean surface.

“I sit down, and I force myself to eat which is a difficult task when you’re still believed to be three-fifths of a person and attempting to become whole. And I wonder when someone will try to shackle me down, realizing that my hands already know how to clench themselves in a tight knit fist as though I am being chained by the noose of this country’s actions. I scan the room and over the sea of black cotton layered upon skin, I see him. I can’t help but wonder if he ever thought that he was doing the right thing. Whites have become so used to burying my people alive that as the dirt suffocates my throat, they add a hyphen in between two dates that should be separated by many breaths. I watch as he swallows my tears in his coffee, the gulping sounds like a cacophony of my people. One black body, gulp. Two black bodies, gulp. Three black bodies, gulp. ‘Make America great again,’ he belches so loudly. I stare deep into his eyes and I realize more than anything else…I pity him. Pictures of a red and blue elephant have taunted him and he’s wearing a FOX news shirt. Or am I just envisioning that being branded over the POLO Ralph Lauren logo? He speaks like the air won’t enter his windpipes, as if the paper mache heart he made in the third grade was destroyed and hackled. I sat by him for as long as I could, but my blood boiled so much it began to blister my skin. And I don’t know how to do anything more than pity someone who can’t handle the wind being knocked out from them. Afterall, I am a black woman in America. My heart has been broken so many times. Didn’t he forget that I learned how to breathe with a white man’s foot upon my chest?”

*this poetry is not my own

ACT III: Why can’t I get you to care about me?

Scene I

Sitting in her bed, typing away on her keyboard, JI-HYE receives a notification ping from her phone. She opens it up to see that a friend sent her a screenshot on Facebook messenger. The screenshot is from a freshmen dorm group chat. 

STUDENTS

OMG you have to look at this chat!!!

JI-HYE

reading the printed words several times in disbelief, her blood begins to boil and the skin on her arms bristles slightly

What in the hell is going on right now?!? This is ridiculous.

[Comments made in dorm GroupMe]:

Why are Asians invading our study room?

It’s so annoying. They are having movie night in our study room.

Did you try asking them to leave?

Fuck…there’s one in my room too

Scene II

After posting the screenshot on Facebook while in a fit of anger, JI-HYE’S post explodes in a collection of negative and positive reactions. The divide between opinions persists.

STUDENTS

You should have censored their names.

JI-HYE

Why do you think I should have censored their names?

STUDENTS

because I think your point was to highlight how racism is an issue,
not to call out specific people. It’s just professional to keep people
anonymous unless you actually want them to be widely known.

No…you call out racism by highlighting the ones who perpetrate it.
They should be called out and held accountable. By blocking out the
names you’d just be giving them a free pass lmao

I’m not saying I condone their actions, nor should they be given a
“free pass” for anything. Don’t blame me for keeping racism alive.
It’s appropriate to let admin handle these things and to address these
issues as a whole rather than for everyone to attack individuals.

Do you not see that the administration supports their behavior?
Have you seen any outrage from the higher ups yet?

This is so out of line. Do you know anything about the people
mentioned and their actual intent? (like the fact that one of them literally
has an Asian roommate and his comment was meant to be sarcastic?) I
get that we’re distrustful of admin but personal attacks to the students
involved won’t accomplish anything besides incite blind hatred.

JI-HYE

@Students When I chose to not erase their names it was as a form of accountability. I did not tag the students in question, post on personal social media’s, or call for their expulsion. There are a few people that are outraged at the specific students, but as the comments will show most of the anger is geared towards our university. If it was a simple mistake of context then that can be explained. However, if these words were spoken with any sort of malicious intent the students should be held accountable for their actions.

Scene III

JI-HYE sits perched in front of the brightly lit mirror. One of the makeup artists is applying a thin layer of foundation to her skin. She is rehearsing her lines for the theatrical performance but fails miserably as her mind keeps flitting back to the post and the reactions she received.

JI-HYE

Did I act out of emotion?

NARRATOR

Yes.

JI-HYE

Was it the best decision?

NARRATOR

That’s up to debate.

JI-HYE

Was it the most professional thing to do?

NARRATOR

Maybe not.

JI-HYE

tired and sick of being called brave or incompetent

But am I not allowed to act out of anger? Am I not allowed to express my emotions freely without worry of being perfectly poised and respectful? Should I put the feelings of the students in question before my own and others they’ve hurt? Do I have the right to be human and just feel? This was just a great reminder that no matter my citizenship, the years I’ve spent in America, and my proficiency in English, I’m always going to be a foreigner.

ACT IV: Do I have the right to be human?

Scene I

After a late night of socializing and eating at iHOP, a large group of black students are walking back to campus. Suddenly they here whirring sirens, as a squadron of cop cars pull up and block their path in all directions. KHALON stands in the middle of the concrete walkway, blue and red flashing lights cast shadows against his sharp features.

KHALON

I automatically feel tense, and so do the others. And I know in the back of my mind that I shouldn’t feel this way about the people meant to protect me. However, my fight or flight response quickly sets in, and all I can think about is protecting myself.

SECURITY

We received information of a dine-and-dash at the nearby iHOP restaurant.

STUDENTS

Wow, that’s really messed up.

KHALON

We don’t want to give them a reason to suspect us, and naturally as law abiding citizens, we voice our concern about the incident and how it shouldn’t have happened.

SECURITY

Yes, well we have reason to believe that you all were involved.

STUDENTS

while pulling out receipts

We can show you that we paid.

SECURITY

Not everyone here has a receipt, and you fit the description so I’m going to have to ask all of you to walk back. We’ll follow slowly beside you.

KHALON

laughing hysterically, swallowing the bitter pill

We walk back three whole blocks. THREE. WHOLE. BLOCKS. Just for the manager to tell them that we already paid. Something that, mind you, we already told them. I just…I’m trying to wrap my mind around how someone could justify their actions, but every time I think about it, I just get frustrated and confused. I just don’t understand.

Scene II

The school catches wind of a gun attack near campus at a metro station. More security is installed to regulate crowds and check boarding passes. This is his fourth stop, his fourth time getting off the metro to test his theory. As a man of logic, KHALON tries his best not to jump to conclusions. He needs something of validation, something that makes sense. 

KHALON

hesitantly

They just let that white man on without checking his pass. And that white woman with her child. That young, Asian guy, too. I’m next, right?

SECURITY

grabbing onto KHALON’S shirt sleeve, stopping him in his tracks

Hey, what do you think you’re doing?

KHALON

stuttering

I-i…um…I was j-just…

SECURITY

Just thought you could sneak on? Where’s your metro pass?

KHALON

fumbling with his wallet

It’s r-right here, sir.

SECURITY

studying the pass carefully before slowly handing it back

Well, what are you waiting for? You’re holding up the line.

KHALON

continues onto the metro, glancing back quickly to see the security guard letting a group of rowdy white guys on behind him.

Is this what safety feels like?

ACT V: When will you understand?

Scene I

It is now ZAHRA’S sophomore year and she is in the dining hall right next to the grill. Again, everyone is wearing black as if covered in anguish, mourning the lack of empathy in the eyes of their peers. Students stand around observing and viewing the protest from a distance, some belonging to other racial identities than African American.

ZAHRA

Our current society and generation is made up of individuals who care more about hashtags and being perceived as “woke” than having an actual desire to make a change. We are so used to residing in the thin encasement that surrounds our everyday lives that when an issue arises or threatens to penetrate our small layer of protection we become…

STUDENTS

I believe that Black Lives Matter. I just don’t know where I fit in.

ZAHRA

too numb…

STUDENTS

I’m not sure about how to approach the issue.

ZAHRA

too docile…

STUDENTS

Am I allowed to approach the issue?

ZAHRA

And too vacant.

STUDENTS

Maybe it’s best if I stick to my bubble…it’s nice and warm here. And oh look, there’s food! Want some? No? Suit yourself. I always do.

Scene II

JI-HYE links her fingers together in her lap. She sits in the dining hall, the sound of laughter and conversation buzzes around her but her phone lies face up on the tabletop. The screen displays the email that administration just released to the student body about the study room incident. She feels…frustrated.

JI-HYE

There was a lot of outcry in the beginning, but I feel that the response was very underwhelming in terms of administration and actual things that happened.

ADMIN

You may have heard that this past weekend we had an extremely unfortunate situation involving some of your fellow students and comments that were made online referring to “Asian people invading common space” in one of our residence halls.

JI-HYE

There were a couple events that the Asian social justice center put on, which was really cool, but all the school does is send out a lack lustered email that brushes the event under the rug. Like “oh…that kind of stuff again…sorry guys”.

ADMIN

As we strive to become a more inclusive and sensitive community, we sometimes experience incidents where it important to reiterate our community values.

JI-HYE

Stud life posted an article about it, but I also have some qualms about that because it was mostly about how the boys apologized. It didn’t tackle the actual issue.

ADMIN

The language was offensive and counter to our community values of diversity and inclusion, and conveyed the hurtful message that not all students are welcome here. On behalf of the university I apologize.

JI-HYE

One of the boys did reach out to me personally and apologized about it (which was really nice). But there was so much focus on an apology, and I know for a fact that I only got one apology and no one else has any written statement, any physical evidence, any social media post about an actual apology. So…who exactly are they apologizing to?

ADMIN

The students involved in this incident have assumed responsibility, apologized and are working to restore trust in their community. This is an extremely positive step but it does not diminish the impact this has had, especially among our student body.

JI-HYE

It doesn’t matter how sorry they are, it matters that this happened. That there was an environment in which these kids felt comfortable enough to even say something as derogatory and demeaning as that. And, on top of that, suffer no real consequences or reprimanding. It doesn’t read well at all. Overall, it was very indicative of how Asian American issues are viewed in the U.S. and how microaggressions aren’t taken as seriously as overt violence and racial slurs.

Scene III

By now, people had already heard about the iHOP incident before the fall semester began, and now here KHALON sits among the other students involved. In the midst of their first semester of college and already a sword is wielded above their heads. Sitting in a circle with his peers he feels solidarity within his confusion.

KHALON

I feel like because people worry so much about not saying the wrong thing, it took a long time for the incident to be addressed.

ADMIN

We are deeply concerned and disappointed that anyone – certainly any of our students – would experience what transpired on July 7.

KHALON

There weren’t any actions taken or shown until weeks later, and even then, it didn’t make me feel better. O-or safe…

ADMIN

The fact that these 10 students, all of whom are African American, were scared and humiliated is unacceptable to us.

KHALON

I mean we as humans have the ability to pause and think before we act, but so often people choose the easier path and I just…don’t understand, I guess? n

ADMIN

Conversations continue and we are hopeful that our students will hear directly from the city with both an explanation and an apology. We won their confidence and they chose to join our student body because they believed they would have an exceptional experience.

KHALON

Honestly, I don’t know what would make me feel safer. I hate being like “this sucks” if I can’t say “ok, this sucks, and this is how it can be changed”. That’s useless, and I don’t know how to fix it.

ADMIN

It is extremely disappointing that they have been so seriously let down, even before the official start of their first semester. We hope and would expect that a situation like this would be avoided in the future.

KHALON

I haven’t seen anything that works.

Scene IV

The narrator sits, typing this manuscript. Wishing that these words didn’t need to be repeated, over and over again. She is tired and fed up. She is angry and disgusted. She is a black woman crushed under the weight of a privileged society. She will not remain silent any longer. She cannot.

ADMIN

An email.

NARRATOR

Words spoken in passing are no longer sufficient.

ADMIN

That’s all we have to show for the issues that threaten your safety in the community.

NARRATOR

Words with no actions behind them are cruel.

ADMIN

A letter filled with empty words and empty promises.

NARRATOR

It is the not the struggle of one person, of one “race” of people, it is the struggle that is shouldered by all of humanity.

ADMIN

One email molds on into the next, and each situation feels just as familiar as the last.

NARRATOR

Pain inflicted against other human beings affects me deeply.

ADMIN

As issues in the community continue to persist and the lives of so many of you are affected, you must come to terms with the hands that were dealt to you.

NARRATOR

As a student.

ADMIN

Unfortunately, this is how the world works.

NARRATOR

As an American.

ADMIN

It is assured that while some of you will be trapped underneath a pile of struggle and strife, grasping on to a breath that will ultimately fail you, others of you will stand atop the heap holding a flag representing your triumph.

ZAHRA

As an African American woman.

JI-HYE

As an Asian-American woman.

KHALON

As an African American man.

NARRATOR

As a human being.

ADMIN

Much love!

NARRATOR

“All men are created equal” …a phrase meant to encompass all, but only truly created to stand for some.

STUDENTS

Being a student means being acutely aware of which
students are constantly being pushed into marginalized positions.

It means knowing which are given a pat on the back and a stern
talking to before promptly being released back into their bubbles.

Being a student means taking responsibility for the actions
of others with the same title.

It means learning and teaching.

NARRATOR

My skin is rough, it has been pierced and cut one too many times. So, I write. And write. And write. Like so many others who have noticed how easily issues are ignored, brushed over, and beaten into the pavement.

ZAHRA

Words.

JI-HYE

How words are delivered.

KHALON

That is what reveals the gap between sincerity and falsehood.

Curtains close.